Mothers' Day

I got to sleep in late this morning. Woke up, made myself a cup of coffee with my brand new coffee maker and had some strawberries and waffles. I just finished re-planting my tomato plants and seeding some carrots and radishes. Supposedly you can grow carrots and radishes with tomato plants in the larger containers. We'll see. I have a favorite new flower. It's called Calibrachoa. It comes in a lot of colors but the yellow is really my favorite. It's cheery and happy. I usually don't like yellow but for some reason this makes me smile.

This Mothers' Day has been strange. I don't feel very appreciated. I don't think anyone is ever appreciated the way they want to be. While eating my waffles this morning I watched a movie called, "How to Cook your Life." I've been wanting to watch it for a while now, since it is a documentary about the author of my favorite cookbook, Tomato Blessings and Radish Teachings. It's basically an exercise in zen through cooking. Anyway, while watching the movie he described a ritual in which food is prepared and served in tiny dishes to the Buddha on the main shrine of the temple. He said something like, at first he thought it was silly and annoying, It's not like the statue is going to taste it or smell it or say, thank you. After 20 years, he finally appreciated the ritual for its simplicity. The food is offered up without return. It is given freely. He found it annoying because he was conditioned to expect thanks and appreciation. He realized that he didn't try to enjoy doing the things he was doing, he enjoyed the praise and thanks he expected to get for doing them. Once he began to focus on washing the rice while washing the rice without expectation he found happiness in the washing of the rice.
This is a major problem I have. The reason I do most things is because I want others to appreciate me. I tie my self-worth to the perception of worth others pay me. I get frustrated when the things I do that I think will make people happy go unrecognized and unappreciated. I feel worth-less. Another big lesson I learned from the movie: If there is poo on your nose, everything will smell like poo. The answer: Wash your face. Modern day translation: Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If there is something about your life that you aren't happy about, remove it from yourself and it will remove itself from your life.
So. This Mothers' Day I am giving myself a very large gift. I am giving up my programmed expectations on what I think I MUST do to be a "good" mother or a "good" wife or a "good" friend. Instead I will try to "wash the rice."